Okay, this is the best thing I've read all day. (No surprise that it came from Alan McLeod.) (Besides, what's not to like about the word "twee"?) (Plus, I love mustard and am falling out of my chair over the notion of contemplating its silence, to say nothing of pain.) And I had exactly the same reaction to the "money quote":
“Be analytical,” she says. “We don’t care if you like it or not.”
Huh? I'm with Alan: Don't taste your beer near me. (And, no, I'm not gonna bother to be as polite as he and say "please.") Silent mustard, indeed. Ptooey.